Modern Day Mercy
She didn’t think mercy was a very modern word. Or even a word that belonged to her or her world. It was a word that belonged back in the ‘olden’ days.
- a blessing that is an act of divine favour or compassion
-kind, gentle, or compassionate treatment especially towards someone who is undeserving of it
-compassion or forgiveness shown towards someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm.
And even if mercy was a ‘modern’ day word, it didn’t belong in her world as she thought she had done too much wrong. She was not deserving of it. Her life was a mess. And the voice of eating and restriction made sure it stayed that way.
Mercy belonged to people that had been good and done the right things.
And the right things included not being in a love / hate relationship with an eating disorder.
And staying in that relationship for a very long time.
She thought mercy was only for someone who was genuinely sorry for something they had done. Like the person who accidentally bumps into you in the supermarket and spills your coffee. That person who apologies and offers to do what they can to help clean up the mess. Or the person that cuts you off when driving, and when they realize they wave and mouth an apology to you. They didn’t realize what they had done, it was just a mistake.
Mercy is for people that are happy to clean up the mess they have created and take responsibility for it.
This was not the case for her. Out of her pain and unresolved heart issues she chose to keep friends with the bad choices and obsessions.
There was no mercy for someone like her.
She had to clean up her own mess with no help from others. This was what she deserved. It was her truth.
What she didn’t realize, was that mercy IS available to her and she didn’t have to be so hard on herself.
She WAS allowed to offer mercy to herself for her mistakes or bad choices even when she chose them on purpose, knowing they would not be a good call.
The voice of love was able to break the cycle of pain and unwise decisions.
The voice of mercy was able to clean up the mess of life.
The voices of love and mercy together were enough to start the healing process that drove the bad decisions.
She realised as she showed herself mercy one time, she was then strengthened to show herself mercy one more time.
One more time then grew to another time.
Over time, she was able to practice mercy towards herself.
She was even able to start to like herself.
Or even love herself.
Right where she was.
Mercy is a verb. A doing word. An action to practice on yourself and then others. The opposite of mercy is hard hearted.
She found out that showing mercy to herself and others made her a better person.
She grew to like herself. And liking herself, allowed her to make better decisions. To spend less time with the eating and obsession habits.
To gain strength to break up with eating and restriction behaviours.
Mercy to herself allowed her to break the cycle of addiction.
And replace it with a cycle of love.
She realised when mercy kissed her, her world view was changed.
Hope became her reality.
The cycle of love became engaged.
She discovered that MERCY was far from an ‘olden’ day word.
It was her word for today, in modern times.
And mercy was for EVERY day.
About the Author: Amanda Long
Amanda Long resides in Cairns, QLD, Australia. Amanda known as Mandy, is a Coach/ Advocate who works with people to help them overcome anxiety, disordered eating, depression & losses in life. At Project HEAL, Mandy is dedicated to sharing her lived experience to get the word out that recovery is available and HOPE is not elusive. Mandy can often be found taking early morning strolls with coffee in hand, enjoying a good film and spending time with family & friends. Mandy’s favourite ice cream flavour is peanut butter chocolate.