Putting Down The Masks
For so long I lived in hiding, keeping away from my family, my friends, people, the world and above all myself; gradually losing sight of my own being as the masks of normality I had collected over the years slowly merged with my own skin.
I no longer knew who I was and what I could be, a faceless, smiling creature always saying she is fine no matter the invisible pain felt.
I was trying to be everything that was expected of me, living up to my family’s expectations and doing what I thought I needed to do in order to be accepted within society.
I was looking for where I belonged never questioning the world we live in and its dictatorship in regards to our own being, I had to act, behave and look a certain way in order to fit the mold designed by others.
I swallowed the words I so wanted to speak out, repressed the emotions I denied myself, slowly becoming the illusion of normality; I was like the rest of them.
I hid; deeper and deeper within my own being, scattering pieces of myself here and there, denying their existence.
My life had become a secret I did not feel able to share with anyone. It wasn’t so much about shame or guilt but rather about looking normal and playing the part that was to ensure my place in the world I thought. I wanted to be like others who looked like they had it all figured out.
Little did I know many themselves were fighting the same demons in their own ways, playing the same game, the game of pretense and silence, the game of normality. Walk the line and make no noise.
Suffering in silence, we are all trying to make sense of ourselves in own ways.
Slowly taking down the masks and speaking the truth of my being, who I am, who I was, my journey, my fears, my pains, my thoughts, my struggle has allowed me to connect with people in ways I have never experienced before.
It has allowed me to make sense of my own being and create my place in the world. The more I opened up to people and shared my journey with them the more they felt validated in their own struggle, allowing themselves to speak their own truth, breaking down the wall of silence which had entrapped them for so long.
We mimic one another and the more we say we are fine, pretending all is well, the more people will feel the need to act the same, assuming that is the way it should be, no matter the potentially painful truth of their condition.
With no more secrets and masks, I have freed myself, proud of my fears, my ideas, my emotions and my scars, I have been able to put the pieces together in order to find myself.
If it wasn’t for my journey I don’t think I would have ever truly discovered myself and somehow found my purpose in life.
After living a binge and purge free life for over 7 years I have decided to be open up about my journey, reflecting on the reasons behind the choices I made and what influenced me to go down the path of bulimia and starvation. For almost 2 years I have worked on writing a book telling the tale of my descent into my own abyss and what my experience with bulimia taught me, reflecting on our relationship with ourselves and the world we live in. The book titled Searching for Me will I hope help people and make a difference in their life.
About The Author: Laura Marie Linck
Laura Marie Linck is a French writer living in London currently working on her first book about her experience with Bulimia. You can find out more about her book, Searching For Me, here: