I Will Choose Life
You have a choice, but it does not always feel that way. I accepted my eating disorder as something I would always have, something out of my control, until I decided to choose against it.
Every single day I make the choice – the choice to dismiss the voice and the guilt, the choice for life and progress.
The choice is not easy, but you have to believe in your ability to make it, because you can.
I visited my aunt who suffered from Alzheimer’s and vowed to make this choice for the rest of my life. My aunt was full of spirit, independent and strong, a woman I admire beyond words. She lost herself in this disease; she lost her ability to choose. I walked into the room, my bones shivering and heart dropping, to see a frail and perishing body. I visualized a feeding tube, I saw every woman from treatment who was as fragile as the person in front of me was, and the experiences merged in a heartbreaking moment.
The ability to nourish your body and your soul is something I chose against when I starved myself. I fell so far into the disorder that I did not even realize what I was taking for granted. I genuinely believe that my aunt was telling me something, and I have never heard her louder. I aspire to be the person I will remember her as, full of life, nourished by love, and brave. I will be brave for my aunt to make the choice because I am fortunate enough to have it.