What National Donut Day Meant to My Recovery

Untitled.jpg

Friday June 7, 2019 was National Donut Day. I pulled up to Krispy Kreme with my parents and received a free donut that had chocolate icing and rainbow sprinkles. After I devoured the delicious round shaped pastry, I decided to reflect on my recovery journey, especially as it pertains to eating donuts.

Donuts used to be a major fear food for me. By fear food, I mean that society, diet culture, and my own internalized beliefs led me to put donuts in a “bad food” category. I avoided donuts at all costs before my recovery and if I did have one, I would have extreme feelings of guilt and shame afterwards.

Fast-forward to my recovery. I slowly learned to tackle eating donuts with my dietician. I started my eating it with a fork and a knife and then gradually moved to biting into the donut with my mouth. This transition from not eating donuts to eating a donut with my hands took time, effort, and patience. I remember at one point in my recovery I wanted to keep up my donut eating momentum so I stopped by the Dunkin’ Donuts near my apartment almost weekly and picked up a tasty, stylish donut.

Eating donuts just became normal to me.They are no longer categorized as a “bad food” to me. 

donut.png

They will always be a “bad food” to my eating disorder, but I have become aware that my eating disorder thoughts are not my thoughts. My thoughts say that all foods fit and I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want.

Conquering the donut has taught me a lot about myself. I have learned that no matter what I set my mind to, it can be done.  I have proved to myself that I can comfortably eat donuts, something I never thought would happen because my thoughts were so intertwined with my eating disorder that I couldn’t separate them.

I know look forward to, and crave, donuts. Instead of denying myself this craving, as I used to do, I stop by the nearest donut shop and get a colorful decorated donut that I know I will enjoy. I show my recovery that I appreciate it and that my live is worth more than saying no to certain foods. 

 

I am excited for the food freedom that will come in the future with more time in recovery and more body respect and “all foods fit” mentality.

Journaling Prompts:

●      What would be one step that you can take to challenge a 'fear food' this week?

●      Describe how you can work to incorporate the concept of “all foods fit” (barring genuine medical restrictions) into your life.

●      Write out your vision of 'food freedom' and what that would mean for you.


ABOUT THE AUTHOR: MEGAN SAMUELS

headshot_EDC.jpg

Megan Samuels is a 21-year-old female (she/her/hers pronouns) at the University of Maryland studying Psychology with hopes of becoming a therapist. She is passionate about sexual assault survivors' rights, eating disorder recovery, and social justice. In her free time, she enjoys yoga, art, and reading.