An Apology Letter To My Body

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Dear Body, When did I begin to hurt you? And why did I start? I never thought about when/where our relationship became so completely messed up. All I can think about now is how sorry I am.

I’m sorry for blaming you for my feelings of unhappiness.

I’m sorry for trying so hard to change you manually rather than allow the natural bodily changes to happen automatically and without force.

I’m sorry for restricting you from the nutrients you deserve and keeping you hungry for all of our favorite foods.

I’m sorry for pushing you to run and squat when all you wanted to do was rest.

I’m sorry for trying to cut off the stretch marks on our thighs.

I’m sorry for pulling at your hair in rage of not feeling pretty or good enough.

I’m sorry for comparing you to other girls’ bodies instead of appreciating the beautiful and unique one of my own.

I’m sorry for feeling disgusted by you and putting all of your worth on an irrelevant number on the scale.

I’m sorry for damaging the home of my soul.

I am not a body; I am the soul and spirit that lives inside of it. You are the decoration that shows itself to the world, but you’re also the safe haven that keeps me warm and comfortable.

You are my home.

I vow to treat you with mindful care. To listen to you. To embrace you and all the beauty that you give to this world.

I’ll try so hard to feed you when you’re hungry and to stop when you’re full.

I’ll move you only when you crave activity.

I’ll dress you in the attire that mimics this soul’s truth.

And I’ll stop blaming you when feelings of unhappiness, unworthiness, anger, or uncomfort arise. Instead, I’ll sit with you and those feelings and be thankful for all the parts of you that allow me to take up space in this universe.

It’ll take time for you to trust me and for me to trust you. But I’m confident that we will live together, body and soul, in unison once again like we used to when we were younger. And I’m eternally sorry for my harshness towards you.

I will speak to you, listen to you, and treat you all from a place of love.

I love you; thank you for being incredible.

With love,

Renee

About the Author: My name is Renee Collett and I’m a 21-year old college student who’s learning to love herself again and embracing all aspects (yes, the good AND the bad) of my recovery from anorexia. I hope my voice can reach and inspire others, because I feel that it is my destiny to bring a smile to everyone’s face as they learn to love their true, authentic selves