Letter to a Younger Self: A Project HEAL Series
Dear me (nine years ago),
I’m writing to you because I believe in you. If I really thought you were hopeless, this wouldn’t have a purpose.
I’m worried about your complete and utter denial of how ill you’re getting. Right now, I know it seems like all you’re doing is simply not eating. Maybe that’s true, and maybe it will be for a little while. But let me tell you something: it won’t last forever. I’d like to share with you what’s actually going to happen:
You’ll be worrying about food 24/7, weighing yourself ten times a day, crying at the number on the scale, and bearing through the insane cold in order to stand stripped in front of your mirror for several hours seeing nothing but fat. You’ll be waking up five times every night from body- wracking chills unable to feel your fingers or toes, regularly dozing off at school, fainting in the most inappropriate situations, and running on the treadmill until everything goes black.
Comparing your body endlessly to everyone’s around you, isolating in your room because you don’t want people to see how fat you are, lying to those you love, creating clever excuses for why you can’t eat dinner, hiding food, and seriously worrying people who care about you will become part of your everyday life.
You’ll stop caring about everything that’s truly important, and you’ll eventually lose all the things that make you who you are.
If you don’t reverse it now, that is.
It doesn’t get easier with time; it only gets harder. Don’t wait until you feel inspired – just go for it. Sometimes everyone has to do things they don’t like to do.
Take care of yourself. Be well. I know you can do this, and you will.
With enough love to make up for your lack of love for yourself,