It (It Does Not Deserve a Name)


By: Tracey Buckley It has stolen years from me

It has kept me isolated

It was my best friend

It controlled me

It took away my dreams, hopes and desires.

It kept me small

It made me frail

It turned my bones into chalk

It bullied me

It gave me no direction

It controlled me

It became all I’ve known

It kept me weak

It left me frail

It was dark, ugly and deceiving

It did not have my best interest for me

It was loud

It left me empty

It left me broken

It made me feel invisible

It scared me

It was not my best friend.

Imagine having a friend like that?

I wrote this in 2008 when I was just so angry about having an eating disorder, and what it had done. I was angry about the impact it had on my life. I was angry at the years that it had stolen from me. I was angry, it was the first time that I felt angry at the eating disorder. At that stage, I was a year into my recovery.

So now fast forward ten years later and my life has changed so much, my world is so much bigger.

I had to decide that my life was worth so much more, I had to believe that I was a woman who deserved to live a life, to live a life without an eating disorder.

I chose to fight back, I chose to embrace my life and to get back what the eating disorder had stolen from me.

I really wanted to encourage you that there is hope, that recovery is possible, that your life is so valuable and you are so worthy of living a full and abundant life. You are so worthy, valued and loved.

Be encouraged.

About the Author: My name is Tracey Buckley and I live in Australia. Tracey is a Primary School Chaplain, who works with students from Kindy to Year 6 and the whole school community to help students with friendships, family and life skills issues. Tracey is also studying a Diploma in Counseling. At Project HEAL, Tracey is dedicated to letting people know that they are not alone in their journey and to know that recovery is possible. She is passionate about making a difference, coffee, family and friends. Tracey’s favorite ice cream flavor is vanilla at the moment.