The internet: friend or foe?
Written by Anne-Claire Jedrzejczak
The internet.
I guess calling it the World Wide Web really does define it quite well. A complex system that keeps us humans connected to each other.
A great place to build communities. Or to keep ourselves more stuck and isolated.
I do realize that probably none of the above is news to you.
But what about the context of recovery from an eating disorder? What is your relationship with online content and communities like? And most importantly: is the internet helping or hindering your recovery?
I imagine that you already know how little others around us understand eating disorders. Yes, change is happening, but change is slow. There is still a lot of stigma around eating disorders and little education. Many still believe that eating disorders are a teenage issue, a diet gone wrong and simply a question of vanity when, in actuality, they are a dangerous mental health condition. Add to this picture the fact that eating disorders are secretive and sufferers often pretend (because we don’t feel deserving of support) or believe (because disordered behaviors and diet talk are normalized in our society) they are fine, and you end up with sufferers feeling misunderstood by and ostracized from the world around them.
The internet, and in particular social media, however has turned out to be a powerful incubator of communities made out of humans sharing similar concerns, passions, ideas, challenges, etc. despite living far apart. Note that I use the word community in a large sense. Any space where humans interact, cross paths is, in my book, a community. Think Instagram and TikTok feeds, Facebook groups, online support groups and workshops, etc. All of these spaces now host a mountain of eating disorder recovery content. From therapists, dietitians, coaches, activists, to humans currently in the trenches doing the hard stuff, we all have access to a variety of views, approaches, and experiences.
The question remains: is this content fostering positive or negative change in your recovery?
A personal take
When I was early in recovery back in 2016, all I had was YouTube. I found a therapist whose videos helped me put words on what was going on in my head. And a handful of humans who seemed to be going through something similar. I felt seen. I saw a reflection of myself. And I experienced the first glimpse of the thought “maybe it’s not that I am wrong and bad, maybe I am just a human having a really sh*t experience right now”. Common humanity. The first gift the internet gave me in my recovery.
The second one was the complete dissolution of my shame around my illness.
I need to back up here and share more of my own story.
A little over six years ago, I finally admitted (to myself) that I was not going to heal from my eating disorder alone and reached out for professional help. I didn’t call my general practitioner since I had been praised for my weight and for “staying in shape” every time I visited. Instead, I called therapists who had small practices and paid out of pocket to avoid having to deal with paperwork or any additional human. I found one taking patients on Saturday mornings, which meant I could lie my way around being busy every other week.
For years, I went to therapy every other Saturday morning. And for years, only my therapist and my partner knew about it.
Needless to say, I internalized shame for a long time.
I spent years believing that there was something deeply flawed and wrong with me.
Seeing myself reflected in a handful of others online was the first crack in this mirage. The next two were humans in real life, who I confided in and who didn’t choose to run away from me. Then came my decision to study to become an eating disorder recovery coach. So I told my close family members since it made sense to explain why on earth this “corporate finance girlboss” was now moving onto eating disorder recovery coaching.
But shame still felt present, like a breaking vase. I mean this quite literally: in the process of breaking, but still sort of holding the pieces together. The cracks were there but the vase was still standing, casting a shadow over my past.
That is, until I joined forces with Meg McCabe when she launched The Recovery Collective.
The Recovery Collective is a virtual global eating disorder community designed to connect recovery warriors to peers and professionals. Meg and I met in January 2021 and hit it off immediately. Together, we built a new community, where members aren’t judged, questioned, or invalidated – like they may be IRL – but rather supported, celebrated, seen and heard for who they are.
I now look at those first few months of 2021 as the bomb that shattered my shame into a million pieces. There I was: witnessing and having open conversations with others who reflected an older version of myself back to me. In a mere few months, the suggestions of forgiving myself, not blaming myself and having immense empathy for myself became achievable.
From the broken pieces of my shame, I built a kaleidoscope that I could use to find new perspectives, inspire my coaching as well as my own social media content.
At this point, you probably surmise that I, personally, love online communities.
I do.
And yet, sometimes, I really don’t.
The flip side
As an eating disorder recovery coach, the co-founder of the Recovery Collective and someone with an active presence on Instagram, I unfortunately also see the dangerous effects the same internet communities can have.
Where some recovery stories and tips can be inspiring, educational, and uplifting, others can be triggering, make sufferers feel invalidated, bring the focus back on outward appearance or even inspire new harmful behaviors.
Some sufferers also report an increase in comparison and judgment, thus adding to their feelings of shame, whether that is because of the body they are healing in, their ability to challenge disordered patterns or the speed at which they recover.
Another distinctive trap is to be consuming recovery content for inspiration and making that the entirety of the recovery work when recovery requires actively challenging behaviors and thought patterns. This is a gentle call out for those who may be tempted to consider this “research” to build “the perfect roadmap to recovery” (before taking action) when the reality is that we all need to learn to move forward with uncertainty, while making our own mistakes and learning from them.
Let me be clear: this kind of content can be what we typically consider inappropriate recovery content such as before/after pictures and “what I eat in a day” videos.
If all you see in your online communities is young, white, thin women, taking pictures of their changing bodies and detailing their food intake and movement schedule, you are doing yourself a disservice.
But even the least harmful content around – content that is safe for others, or content created by someone who used to be inspiring – can be the wrong kind of content, for you, right now. I know, both from my own lived experience and from being a recovery coach online, how personal triggers are. We all have different stories, different support networks, different treatment teams, different “whys”, different goals, etc. We do not all resonate with or need the same content. That is ok! And we must also learn to be responsible for the content that we intentionally consume. If that means unfollowing accounts or disengaging from groups that you personally find triggering, then that may just be the best choice for you right now.
Considering the “friend or foe” question requires an honest look both at the content you consume and the way that content resonates with you. And since the only certainty is change - including your own needs - I recommend coming back to this question regularly.
Based on my personal lived experience and professional coaching experience, I have developed the following list of boundaries for navigating recovery online in the hope of giving you some direction.
Navigating recovery online — dos and don’ts
Do follow, exchange with, participate in groups and/or accounts that:
Educate you on a variety of topics that fuel your willingness, motivation, and readiness for change
Inspire you through their stories, wins and life beyond recovery
Add diversity to your life: confirmation bias is hard to break, and true diversity can help you overcome recovery hurdles
Don’t follow, exchange with, participate in groups and/or accounts that:
Trigger you
Invalidate you or make you feel not “sick enough”
Breed comparison, judgment, or shame in any way
Keep you stuck in the “learning” without “doing”
Impact your mood negatively
Protect your recovery. Fiercely. Always.
And go find YOUR community. The one that makes you feel seen, heard, and breathe a little easier. Break that vase of yours. Maybe you get to build a kaleidoscope out of it too. Or maybe it’ll turn out to be a disco ball. Both, I promise, are so worth it.
And so is recovery.
Anne-Claire Jedrzejczak (she/her) is a Carolyn Costin Institute Certified Eating Disorder Recovery Coach, Registered Yoga Teacher (RYT500) and co-founder of The Recovery Collective. A former finance professional, Anne-Claire’s eating disorder recovery journey led her from the high-paced corporate world to the study of yoga, and eventually to eating disorder recovery coaching & mental health advocacy. She now guides others to meet their recovery goals, transform their relationship with food, their body, and themselves so they can live an authentic and fulfilling life.