My Body Was Never the Problem
In 2016, I went on a family cruise with my parents, my twin sister, and a few friends. Looking back, it should have been one of the happiest trips of my life.
Instead, I spent a lot of it crying in my room.
I remember sitting by the pool watching everyone else have fun. They were taking pictures, laughing, swimming, and making memories. I wanted so badly to join them. I wanted to wear the swimsuit. I wanted to feel carefree. I wanted to be in the photos.
But I couldn’t.
At the time, I didn’t have the language for what I was experiencing. I just knew something felt wrong. I felt trapped in my own mind. I was so uncomfortable with my body that I couldn’t fully participate in my own life.
What made it even harder was that I started to resent the people around me. Looking back, they weren’t doing anything wrong. They were simply enjoying themselves. But watching them feel free highlighted how stuck I felt.
I thought my body was the problem.
I thought confidence was something I would earn once I lost weight.
I thought life would finally begin when I looked different.
As painful as that cruise was, something unexpected happened.
While sitting in my cabin scrolling through social media, I came across a plus-size clothing brand looking for models. For reasons I still can’t fully explain, I found the courage to send them a direct message.
That one message changed my life.
A few weeks later, I booked my first modeling job.
Most people assume modeling is what made me confident, but that’s not exactly true. What modeling gave me was exposure to people who looked like me and were showing up in the world anyway. They weren’t waiting to lose weight before wearing the clothes. They weren’t postponing their lives until they reached some goal. They were traveling, creating, dating, working, and taking up space exactly as they were.
For the first time, I started to consider a radical possibility: maybe it was okay to love myself.
In fact, maybe it was necessary.
The more I worked in the industry, the more I realized something surprising. Body image struggles aren’t exclusive to people in larger bodies. I met people of every shape and size who were battling insecurity, comparison, and self-doubt. No matter what someone looked like on the outside, so many of us were carrying the same internal struggle: the belief that we weren’t enough.
That realization planted the seed for what would eventually become Every Body Deserves Love (EBDL).
I didn’t start EBDL because I thought everyone should love the way they look every single day.
I started EBDL because I realized every person deserves dignity, belonging, support, and the opportunity to experience life without waiting for their body to change first.
Unfortunately, many of us receive the opposite message every summer.
We’re told to get “beach body ready.” We’re encouraged to fix, shrink, tone, tighten, or transform ourselves before we’re allowed to enjoy the season. These messages may seem harmless, but they teach us that our bodies are projects to be perfected rather than homes to be lived in.
And they work.
They convince people to skip vacations, avoid photos, decline invitations, and spend precious moments hiding instead of participating.
I know because I lived it.
Today, I work as a professional model and fit model. There is a lot of irony in that.
My body is literally part of my career.
I spend hours looking in mirrors. I try on clothing all day. My job is to evaluate how garments fit, drape, move, and feel on my body. I am paid to notice details and provide feedback.
Because of that, people sometimes assume I must have perfect confidence.
The truth is much more complicated.
I will probably always have moments where I struggle with body image. I don’t think those struggles magically disappear because you become a model, reach a goal weight, or achieve a certain look.
What I have learned, however, is that my body is so much more than something pretty to look at.
My body allows me to hug the people I love.
My body allows me to travel, work, dance, swim, advocate, and build community.
My body allows me to experience life.
And the more people I meet, the more I realize that body image struggles don’t discriminate. It doesn’t matter if you’re skinny or fat, tall or short, young or old. We live in a culture that often teaches us to focus on what’s wrong with us instead of what’s right.
That’s one of the reasons I created Every Body Deserves Love and our annual Beach Day.
When people hear about Beach Day, they often think it’s about wearing a bikini.
It’s not.
It’s about belonging.
Over the years, thousands of people have RSVP’d. People from all over the world have expressed interest in attending because they were looking for something many of us desperately need: a place where they don’t have to earn acceptance.
One memory that will stay with me forever is a woman named Joan.
She was the parent of someone I went to elementary school with. During Beach Day, she shared that it was the first time she had worn a bikini in over 20 years.
Twenty years.
She never thought she would feel comfortable enough to do that again.
Watching her reclaim that moment wasn’t about the swimsuit. It was about freedom. It was about realizing she didn’t have to keep waiting for permission to live her life.
Many people have cried at Beach Day.
Not because they’re sad, but because they’re finally experiencing something they thought wasn’t available to them: acceptance, connection, and community.
Healing happens in connection.
That’s what Beach Day is really about.
It’s about friendship.
It’s about meeting people who see you as a whole person rather than a body.
It’s about remembering that who you are matters so much more than what you look like.
If you’re reading this and feeling nervous about attending Beach Day because of your body, I want you to know something:
We are not focused on your body.
We’re focused on you.
We want to know your story.
We want to learn what makes you laugh.
We want to hear about your dreams.
We want to create genuine friendships and safe spaces where people can show up exactly as they are.
The beach simply gives us a beautiful place to do that.
There is something healing about the ocean air, the sand beneath your feet, and the feeling of water on your skin.
You don’t have to earn that experience.
You don’t have to lose weight first.
You don’t have to become a different version of yourself.
Your body deserves sunshine.
Your body deserves joy.
Your body deserves connection.
And your body deserves the beach.
Join us for Every Body Deserves Love Beach Day on Sunday, July 19 and discover what happens when you stop waiting for permission to live. Learn more and register here.
