Taking Back the Holidays from Diet Culture
“Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the diet talk is not delightful…” For many, the holiday season rolls in with cozy gatherings, time with friends and family, and unfortunately, conversations we never asked for. The ones about “being good,” “earning food,” or “making up for” whatever ends up on your plate. We’ve grown so used to these comments that they almost fade into the background, like part of the holiday soundtrack itself. But this year, we don’t have to let diet culture sit at the head of the table. We get to reclaim the season, rewrite the script, and remind ourselves that celebration isn’t something you have to compensate for. It’s something you get to experience fully. But first, we must understand how deeply this messaging sneaks into the season.
Diet culture doesn’t just show up in obvious ways. It hides in the little, yet normalized, comments we’ve learned to laugh off. “I can’t eat that,” “I’m going to work this off tomorrow,” “I’ve been so bad with my eating.” These phrases may not mean much to others, but for those who have an eating disorder, they come attached with shame. And the more they’re heard, the harder it becomes for these individuals to choose actions that align with their recovery instead of the eating disorder.
Unfortunately, those challenges don’t end at the dinner table. They’re reinforced by the media, too. As soon as the holidays hit, the joy of the season is quickly interrupted by detox ads, “clean eating” resets, and the ever so annoying phrase, “New Year, New You.” No matter the message, the underlying messages are the same: “You are not enough as you are.” “You will be happy once you’re smaller.” “Your weight = your worth.” For someone healing their relationship with food, the constant background noise makes recovery even harder to hold onto.
When food becomes moralized, eating disorder thoughts can arise quickly.
The holidays can disrupt routines, which can make the ED louder and more persuasive. Suddenly you’re away from familiar foods, surrounded by people who don’t understand your struggle, and bombarded with comments that echo the very thoughts you’re trying to quiet. It gets even harder when the people saying these things are the ones you love the most. Your aunt who is talking about her fear of gaining “holiday weight.” A cousin talking about how they “earned their meal” by running a Thanksgiving 5K. Your grandma saying how hard she worked to make sure she “saved room” for dessert. But what if you aren’t afraid of gaining weight? What if you didn’t run a Thanksgiving 5K and didn’t “earn your meal?” What if you’re feeling full and you still want dessert?
This brings us to the question, how do you take back your holidays when all of this is swirling around you? As an eating disorder recovery coach, here are some of the ways I help my clients navigate the holidays when diet culture gets noisy.
Create Boundaries
Establishing boundaries can be one of the most helpful things to do to ensure happiness and success at the dinner table. Boundaries can be spoken or unspoken. Simple phrases like, “I don’t want there to be diet talk today,” or “I’d prefer if we didn’t talk about how much food is on our plates and how much others are eating,” can prevent and shut down conversations as or before they are happening. Even the comment, “If it’s not your body, please don’t talk about it” can create a safe space for you and your body to exist as it is.
Eat Consistently
While the eating disorder may try to convince you to restrict leading up to the “big meal,” continue eating as you normally would. Don’t skip meals. Don’t hit the gym extra hard to “earn” your meal. Stay focused on your nutritional goals in recovery and try your best to keep hitting those goals. This may feel uncomfortable, but know these actions are strengthening your recovery and helping you get one step closer to enjoying the holidays without shame having a seat at the table!
Lean Into Your Support System
Support matters. We are not meant to maneuver recovery alone, especially during the challenging moments. Identify a couple of people who can be your check-in buddies. This could be your recovery coach, a friend, or even a family member that is sitting next to you at the table. It is okay to let them know how you may need support! This could look like sending a quick text to check-in before and after meals. Stepping away from the table with someone you trust should the ED voice get loud and intense. You do not have to recover in silence this holiday season.
Anticipate the Challenges and Remember Your Tools
Anticipating what challenges may arise before your actual holiday gathering and meal can be one of the best things you do for yourself to help you be successful the day of. “What will I do if Aunt Karen says my favorite dish is unhealthy?” “What will I do if someone makes a comment on my body when they first see me?” “What will I do if someone notices how much food is on my plate and I feel like they’re making judgments?” Anticipating these challenges can help you identify the tools you may need to tap into should these comments arise. This can look like taking a few slow breaths, stepping outside for a minute, running cold water over your hands, or even naming five things you see around you. You have so many skills in your toolbox! Remind yourself of your strength, resiliency, and ability to tap into the skills you’ve worked hard to acquire. Ask yourself: What would the recovery-oriented action be?
Take Back the Holidays from Diet Culture
You have the power to reclaim what this season is meant to be about. Not discipline. Not performance. Not shrinking yourself to prove anything. But rather, connection. Making memories. Enjoying food. Feeling joy in your body. Recovery doesn’t ask you to have a perfect holiday. It asks you to have a compassionate one.
At the end of the day, the holidays were never meant to be something you had to earn. The song may say “the weather outside is frightful,” but your relationship with food and body this holiday season doesn’t have to be. This season, I hope you choose presence instead of pressure. Joy instead of fear. Connection instead of isolation. And most importantly, recovery instead of the ED.
Wishing you a holiday season filled with gentleness, warmth, and freedom from diet culture.
