Marissa’s Journey
A Profile In Courage
Standing on the Santa Monica Pier, looking out over the beautiful Pacific on a sunny and warm January day, my daughter who had just turned 27, looked at me and said “isn’t this beautiful dad.” Life is wonderful.” I felt like she was trying to will herself to go on. Her eating disorder had already ravaged her mind and her body. It never did get to her soul, and for that I am forever grateful.
How did a beautiful, intelligent, personable, young girl from New York, wind up here, on a Pacific Ocean pier, hanging with her Dad who was searching for anything that he could say or do that would get his daughter back into a treatment protocol that she so desperately needed? For the 4th time!
Our daughter and sister Marissa was the 3rd child and as such, she always had a willing audience for her comedy and wit. Even as a young child, she amazed the family with her intellect and heartfelt laughter. She loved having fun and to entertain. While playing the part of the party animal in high school, she still got herself into a prestigious University. We delivered her to that University with high hopes for her future. How could we have known what was to come. It was late in her sophomore year that the phone call came. The University medical department was sending her home to get treatment for an eating disorder. This began her 7 year journey through the highs and lows and mostly the horrors of what this disease can do to a person.
Initial treatment was successful, she returned to school after missing one semester. Looking back, it was too soon.
I was told more than once that my daughter had one of the worst afflictions of ED that various providers had ever seen. Marissa was in hospital lock down units 3 times. When not in a unit, she had personal therapists and nutritionists. She attended highly regarded treatment programs, she had the love and support of her family throughout her ordeal. Each time she made progress, she subsequently regressed.
It was on this trip to Los Angeles, what turned out to be my final visit with her, that the idea of this fundraising drive was born. After leaving the pier we began speaking of the treatment process and how it should work. Marissa expressed her desire to one day help those who could be helped. Reach them when they are young she continued, educate them to not let this disease take over. You see she said, “I always thought I could control the disease, but it now controls me.” Her message was that she had let it go too long, too far advanced, and she now felt she was beyond help. Yet, her soul was intact and her desire to help others was as strong as ever.
In the next week or two, we made our final attempts, along with her Psychiatrist, to get her into a hospital treatment center once again. The state failed to take her in. Yes, thwarted again by the system. A few weeks later, she was dead.
Her soul and her spirit live on in her family and she is still a part of our everyday lives. Time heals but not completely. However, this message and this fundraising drive are not about her suffering or death. They are about honoring Marissa’s wish to make a difference in the lives of others afflicted with this disease. If we can save others from letting it go too long, provide treatment for those who otherwise could not afford it, educate and prevent others from letting this disease get a foothold in them, if we can ease another family’s pain – well, that would be a wonderful thing and we will feel that our Marissa’s suffering and horrific journey was not in vain.
